|
 Racing for the congress
Our Editorial Viewpoint penned by the redoubtable Osta Alamai, Ervad Aflatun, with the able assistance of Behdin Rignahej Letap, (Parsiana, September 7, 2011) won many plaudits from the orthodox camp who normally revile and belittle anything that appears in the journal. Readers felt we had at last seen the light and were mending our wayward, liberal ways.
The office was flooded with requests for more such material. Invitations were issued to the three to give talks “especially to our youngsters.” They even received a feeler from the revered Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP) board of trustees asking if the trio could proffer suggestions for the 10th World Zoroastrian Congress to be held in Bombay in December 2013, mainly the topics to be discussed and names of tentative speakers.
The three agreed on the understanding their recommendations should be given due weightage allowing for their newly found status as community spokespersons. The BPP requested the discussions be held in camera, with utmost secrecy. But a Parsiana staff member managed to obtain a draft copy of their thoughts by hacking into Alamai’s e-mail account (alamai@ hotparsi.com). Needless to say the magazine strongly disapproves of such illegal activity and takes no responsibility whatsoever for the wayward actions of its employees. (We also, as a policy, refuse to take responsibility for anything that appears in the magazine unless specifically stated so.)
Here is the unedited copy of the purloined e-mail: “For too long our community has been led astray by vocal, misguided, reformist leaders and we believe that the more orthodox board of trustees will now set the clock back to the days of our mamaijis and bapaijis (maternal and paternal grandmothers) who knew the true worth of traditionalism. Disastrous liberal concepts of gender and racial equality, freedom of religious practice, civil liberties, independent thinking, diminishing numbers, have no place in Zoroastrianism. Questioning our ancient beliefs and even approaching the courts for relief against eclectic diktats is totally unacceptable. Traditionalist Parsis are not bound by the Indian Constitution or any other manmade documents, laws or institutions.
“Five of our high priests have rightly attempted to place the community back in the mid-19th century when Parsis were in their heyday. Instead of giving the clerics their due respect they are denigrated, alleged to be overly influenced — nay manipulated — by self-serving lay people, and termed autocratic and dogmatic. To rectify these gross wrongs we believe the next Congress must for once and for all put the reformists, the ‘convertists’ and such in their place.
“The first Congress paper should be on the ever increasing Parsi population and the need to import more wool from Australia so there is an adequate number of kustis available for all the new initiates. Several of our leaders (may Ahura Mazda bless them!) are speaking out about how the Parsi population is growing, contrary to popular misconceptions and the bogus Government of India census statistics. One BPP trustee has cited concrete evidence to show that two million Zoroastrians exist worldwide of which 200,000 are in Afghanistan. He should be invited to give a talk at the Congress on ‘Parsis: The demographic dividend.’ An allied subject could be the ‘Evils of birth control and the folly of restricting the number of wives to one’ — an alien, western, Christian concept totally unacceptable to Parsis.
“Here we must remember that we are a patriarchal society. Women have no or very few rights. As the insightful WAPIZ (World Alliance of Parsi Irani Zarthoshtis) Page has rightly pointed out, Zoroastrianism discriminates against women so why all this talk of equal rights? The Valsad Parsi Anjuman — which has so courageously barred Parsi women married to non-Parsis entry to their fire temple — should be requested along with the WAPIZ editors to present a paper titled: ‘Gender equality: Valsad style’ or ‘Why the Parsis should learn from the Taliban.’
“With all this talk of conversion and acceptance going on, it would be appropriate to deliver a paper on ‘How to stop navjotes and navar ceremonies of aliens.’ For this we could request our armed forces to train Parsis in commando-style search and seizure operations. The Parsi vigilantes could be trained to scale gates and walls, break open locks, assault women, children and foreigners, seize passports, photographs, prayer books and any other seditious literature that could be used to defame the infidels.
“We have several other suggestions for topics such as: ‘When and how to bar priests from performing irreligious ceremonies’ (our suggestions on this will have to await the Supreme Court decision on the renegade priests case but throwing them into a non-consecrated fire may be the most persuasive option); ‘How to stop Parsis from approaching the courts against BPP and high priests’ fatwas.’ (No lawyers should be allowed to represent opponents of fatwas pro bono. Since the heretics don’t have the money to hire the top lawyers and with the BPP/WAPIZ being flush with funds to hire the best, victory will be assured for the conservative forces of backwardness.) ‘How to stop Parsis marrying non-Parsis’ should be on the program. (Here we suggest not educating our women or letting them work so they are housebound and dependent. If they could keep their faces covered all the better because which non-Parsi would marry a Parsi if he could never meet or see her? For men marrying out, we have several suggestions but we are told none of them are legal so we can’t state them publicly. Please meet us during the Congress and on a one-to-one basis we will explain. Those who wish to participate in these discussions should preferably hold a gun license or have access to other weapons of minority destruction.)
“We could go on and on. There is no dearth of topics. But we would be failing in our duty if we did not address the most crucial aspect of the Congress: who can register as a delegate? At the last Congress we were told a Japanese scholar studying Zoroastrianism was permitted to attend. The next thing you know the hosts will be serving sushi instead of kebab! This has got to stop. Only sudreh-kusti wearing Parsi Zoroastrians of at least two generations’ standing should be admitted to the sessions. Parsi Zoroastrian members of any Zoroastrian association that permits non-Parsis membership, in whatever capacity, and Parsis who have married non-Parsis may attend but they will also have to sit separately from the other delegates, preferably near the toilet enclosures. At any time during the Congress, they may be asked by any self-styled officials to recite the kusti prayers to verify their bona fides.
“Non-Parsis can attend only in their capacity as waiters, ushers, cleaners and so on but they should be made to wear ear plugs so they can’t hear what transpires. The words spoken by Parsis create certain vibrations which are weakened by the presence of non-Parsis; the damage caused, however can be mitigated if juddins can’t hear the words.
“The success of the Congress will be dependent on which of our suggestions the BPP implements. In our future confidential reports we will decide on the Congress theme. At present our thoughts are leaning towards ‘Race above religion.’
“Ushta te.”
|
 Editorial Viewpoint
Quotes
Events & Personalities
Zoroastrians Abroad
Cover Story
Politics and Policy
Seminar
Business
Business1
In Memoriam
Recent
Issues
21-Nov-2011
7-Nov-2011
21-Oct-2011
|
