A couple explores the possibility of starting an air-conditioned vulture aviary in their suburban garden
Jal S. Desai
I was having breakfast with my wife, in our bungalow at Land’s End in Bandra.when I noticed that she was studying the big garden at the rear of the bungalow.
"Do you think it’s big enough?” asked my wife.
"What is big enough?” I inquired.
"The garden,” she replied.
"For what?” I asked.
"For a vulture aviary,” she answered.
"What! A vulture aviary at Bandra!” I exclaimed in shock.
"Yes.”
"Why?”
"Why not?”
Having been married to my wife for 47 years, I knew not to get into an argument with her. "Can you explain to me why you want a vulture aviary in our garden?” I inquired.
"It’s simple. Last night I had a dream. In the dream a white-bearded man speaking in an Oxford accent told me to start an air-conditioned vulture aviary in our garden.”
"Was it an asli (genuine) or nakli (fake) Oxford accent?”
"Asli or nakli — what does it matter? An Oxford accent is an Oxford accent.”
"Okay! Did he give you any reason why you should start an air-conditioned vulture aviary in our garden?”
"Yes. He said that vultures are an endangered species and we should do all we can to keep them alive.”
"Parsis are an endangered species. You want our dying community to keep a group of dying birds alive?”
"Yes. After all, Parsis are known for their charity.”
"Tell me, what do you know about vulture breeding?”
"Nothing, but BNHS does, and my dream man told me to contact them and they will do all the work.”
"What has the Bombay Natak Hasahas Society got to do with vultures? Are they culture vultures?”
"This is a different BNHS (Bombay Natural History Society).”
"I see. Are they going to charge us any money?”
"Of course. A mere Rs 25 crores.”
"To get such a large amount, we will have to sell this bungalow and the garden with it.”
"No need to do that. My dream man told me that I should ask BPP (Bombay Parsi Punchayet) to finance the project.”
"Assuming that the BPP does give the money, why should we build an air-conditioned vulture aviary in our garden? Let them build one at Doongerwadi. They have got plenty of land there.”
"They can’t do that. Some religiously ignorant Parsis won’t allow them to do it. SAVE is opposing it.”
"Sev? Sev is what we eat on our birthdays. What has sev got to do with vultures?”
"Not that sev. S-A-V-E. Society Against Vulture Experiments.”
"How selfish can you get! Some totally useless Parsis who have got nothing better to do are trying to prevent the BPP trustees from spending money belonging to poor Parsis.”
"You are right, darling. It is the duty of poor Parsis to starve to death to feed the vultures.”
"Why not just feed goat meat to the vultures?”
"Do you know how expensive goats are?”
"Then feed them chicken.”
"Maybe.”
"Well, I’ll have to go now. I have to attend a meeting.”
"What meeting?”
"It’s a new organization and I am its chairman.”
"Really?”
"Yes, really. I’m the chairman of STPTPCFTBPPT. ”
"What’s that?”
"Society To Protect The Parsi Community From The Bombay Parsi Punchayet Trustees.”