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"I remember playing with yellow and blue beads and making necklaces for our landlady when I was two-and-a-half. I remember being taken to the university gardens where I would run along the water canals made for irrigating the gardens, and call them rivers… Whether it was exotic plants and birds, or Barbie dolls from London, I was exposed to an aesthetic life early on,” says successful Secunderabad based fashion designer Zubin Vakil.
"Quality is a designer’s forte,” stresses Vakil. He has held exhibitions, retailed at premium multi designer stores and received acclaim for winning the best dress award at Mrs Planet 2014 for Mehekh Murthy in Bulgaria. "From outsourcing to a friend’s workshop, to commissioning production units and pandering to demanding tailors and seamstresses, have been the toughest aspects of this profession. At the threshold of my career, I had just designed swimwear for the Gladrags contest and received major Press coverage. That was the time I had my first solo newspaper interview in the Deccan Chronicle. Along with acclaim and bouquets, what followed in the succeeding days was nothing short of a nightmare.

 

 

 

 

"A production unit I had assigned work to almost destroyed every garment of mine at a time when I was inundated with orders resulting in sleepless nights and restless days. Then three people came to my rescue — my tailor, a friend who was also a designer and a skilled seamstress. They salvaged the situation and I could deliver. But it took me two years to win back client trust. I did my best to compensate the ones who were disappointed. Post that nightmare, I learnt not to take anybody at face value and to do a thorough search before associating with anybody,” says the 40-year-old designer.
Two years later, he held his first solo exhibition and fashion show. By then he was doing fashion shoots and had become quite a well-known name in Hyderabad, accepting only customized orders and retailing from a few stores in Bombay like Fuel and The Oak Tree. "I was a proverbial party animal whose party partner was my only Parsi friend Nazneen Hansotia who I fondly call Jade, and Simi Kumar whose gown I had designed for her participation in the Gladrags Mrs India contest,” he states.
Continually featured on page 3 of leading newspapers he unabashedly admits that he "loved to shock with the way I dressed for parties. Invitations to major events kept pouring in and life became very glamorous. My party animal image dominated the Press and my flamboyant, androgynous clothes got the gossip columns churning. Here started the speculation about my personal preference. As if I didn’t have to contend with enough earlier, I had to start a public face off about my intimate choices…
"I gave a tell-all front page interview in The Times of India wherein I spoke about my personal choices in life. Surprisingly, not a lot of people came forward in support. I spoke about how personal preferences have to be accepted and respected, putting what I thought was an end to all conjecture. Papers clamored for more intimate articles; I had to politely ask them to talk fashion rather than about my personal life.

 

 

 

 

 

"The succeeding year I applied to participate in a fashion contest which was actually a reality show, Lakme Fashion House. There were entries from all over the country and to win a spot in the final contest was a big deal for me. I did try and entertain, as it was for Star One Channel, but work wise I was just not into the competition mentally due to the non-congenial atmosphere. I was eliminated within a month and decided there would be no more reality shows for me. But I must admit, the publicity I got was unbelievable. I had huge life size posters of mine all over Bombay and due to the world wide telecast, I got global recognition.
"Post that, I continued my work in Hyderabad; styled advertising campaigns, took orders for made to measure garments and also taught at institutes. Life for a designer is tough anywhere, whether you are in Bombay, Hyderabad or in another country. I did staff training for department stores, a radio program on fashion trends and tips and also a music video on my life by a client who choose me as his subject. It was called ‘Main (I) Zubin,’ beautifully rendered by a singer from the Amul India Show, but it was never completed. 
"I believe fashion is a non-verbal communication system. Clothes are an extension of your personality. You are what you wear. Clothes can make others form opinions about you. I have for two decades studied the psychology of fashion.
"When people talk loosely about fashion or designers, I just pity them as many still do not know its seriousness. When I started, thankfully very few people ever questioned my choice as I guess I had fashion writ large all over me, although a Parsi lady once asked me why I didn’t choose medicine! I laughed and thought to myself that fashion is medicine. It solves figure problems. It is technology. It is a science.”

 

 

 

 

Fashion, faith and fraternity
Fashion has been therapeutic for Vakil since his childhood. He recalls, "I was never interested in typical boy games but was drawn to dressing dolls and playing house. While growing up I was very influenced by my mother Maharukh and sister Friyana’s dressing and it slowly seeped into my psyche. I recall liking Friyana’s baby frocks and her toys more than mine… I continued to drift towards the finer things in life and away from all the stuff boys used to do. I hated and still hate all forms of sport. At that time it was something to be ashamed of but I went ahead and enjoyed the pleasures that came with my choice of games. Little did I know what lay in store for me! From the age of four or five, family, friends, outsiders, school teachers and classmates kept drumming it in that I was weak and skinny: ‘Ghano patlo chhè; jaaro karé thasé (You are very thin; when will you become fat?)’ I became so ashamed that I would run away and hide in order to escape hearing those comments again and again.”
At home, living in a joint family in Secunderabad, "I was the dreamer who secretly kept sketching and drawing people, landscapes and houses and I fantasized about a life and a world of my own.” At St Patrick’s School, "my trauma had just begun. From being jeered at and teased, to being bullied, beaten, pushed and called names, it was endless trauma that I went through for years. Even the teachers, fathers and principals mocked me. I used to dread going to school that entire decade. My studies suffered and I lost interest in academics, but I managed to get through somehow,” graduating from Sardar Patel College.
"Even when I joined St Mary’s Junior College, the bullying didn’t stop. When I was studying for my 11th, my Hindi teacher told me to wear a girl’s costume for an inter college play and poof, in spite of dressing up as a female... all my shyness and fear of people vanished once I went on stage. I got so used to it that I stopped caring and started revolting. I realized that you have to stand up for yourself and give it back or else people are going to continue with their evil deeds.” He initially harbored dreams of being a model but lacked the requisite height. Later he thought of taking up interior designing.
His father Rohinton pointed out that "I keep talking of fashion all the time so perhaps instead of decor it is fashion that could be my true calling. That sparked such relief and exuberance in me knowing I had won the greatest support. When your parents stand by you, you feel empowered. I knew I was made for fashion but somewhere I was in denial, thinking that it was just another of my fantasies. But that day it was affirmed that I was born to dress women: stylish, glamorous and bold women. Women who could relate to my sensual and elegant creations.

 

 

 

 

 

"I enrolled for a course at the National Institute of Fashion Technology in Hyderabad. There were morose classmates and stern teachers and a very excited and enthusiastic me. I enjoyed learning fashion but remember hating and fearing the garment construction classes. I used to read up on fashion and watched a lot of fashion based programs to keep myself abreast. Malini Reddy who was a faculty member there and also ran a boutique in the city was the first one to spot my talent and gave me a chance to design for her store. She used to give me the fabrics and I would get the garments ready from a stitching source and deliver. I got paid Rs 100 per design, which I was very elated about. During this time I learnt the nuances of fits and finishes. Yes, there were mistakes and goof ups but it was all a learning experience.”
Word soon spread. Young girls started coming to Zubin for their Christmas and New Year dresses. He started getting orders from the Parsi community too, the first being from cousins’ wives Perveez Vakil and Collette Vakil.
 "My family has always been very supportive and tolerant during all my highs and lows, both personal and professional. While other designers were very secretive, I chose to speak openly about myself. But I must add that people treat alternative preference stories largely as entertainment rather than a serious problem let alone try to put themselves in the suffering person’s shoes. The scrapping of Article 377 (the law that criminalizes homosexuality) was certainly a move forward for the country, but amendments in laws do not change people’s mindsets.
"Fashion is definitely a very accepting society, but individually between the fraternity members there are world wars. Non-acceptance of each others’ success, jealousy and camps are the norm. Never give unsolicited advice to anybody. They don’t live your life and you don’t live theirs.
"I am not only proud but am extremely grateful to be born a Parsi. It’s not for nothing that they say that it’s a privilege to take birth in this community. Our culture, style and mannerisms, everything makes me feel so blessed. I do certainly hope to make our community proud someday like so many other famous Parsi achievers. While I agree that those on a pedestal have worked hard and deserve to be up there, let me ask what we have done for them when they were struggling? Yes it’s easy to applaud and feel good about a celebrated Parsi, but the struggle has been theirs alone.
"In my own capacity, I have helped people reach heights. With the kind of potential I have, a major sponsor would do wonders. Appreciation, advice and applause are not enough. We talk about charity and philanthropy which is fine. Yes, we have helped one another in certain ways like scholarships and loans. It is so obvious that there is a prevailing hierarchical system in our community. The line between the rich and the middle class Parsis is ever widening. Parsi celebrities who I hold in high esteem are the late Freddie Mercury and celebrity stylist Anaita Shroff Adajania who also holds a major position at Vogue India.
"My life in the last six years has been nothing short of an enlightening roller coaster ride riddled with challenges and surprises. On the flip side, I had to encounter the devastation of losing my mother in 2016, which was one of the worst moments of my life. Post that, you realize who really matters and who stands by you during such times. A lot of clean-ups happened in my life for my good. This was like a filtration exercise, where the universe rids you of infections. Nicer moments like finding your name in prestigious society and community lists are a huge shot in the arm.

 

 

 

"Fashion brought to my path a whole lot of individuals who showed me why I was better off on my own. I discovered self-love after loving and inviting all the wrong people into my life. The need for love and companionship makes humans weak, pathetic and needy. I took people at face value and kept getting attracted and attached to all the wrong people. One must understand that just because somebody seems kind for a period it does not mean that they are the right partners for our life’s journey. Emotional attachments and dependency are the worst maladies as they can drain your peace of mind and more importantly your time. I was looking for stability in other people whereas I should have looked inward.
"I thank my wonderful fairy godmother Dr Nirmala Rita Nair for being there during my lowest moments; Dr Faiq Ahmed for his constant counseling during my worst personal period; my friend Dolly Lokwani for her immense support in building my brand along with the fabulous Vandana Agarwal; my beautiful muse and friend Simi for her words of wisdom; Dr Kiran Chakravarthy for being the first lady to realize my potential 23 years ago when I was just a teen; Jade for being a constant companion right through my journey; my niece Nazreen Vakil Nagle for being my first model for my first interview shoot; my sister Friyana for being one of the first ones to inspire me; my uncle Behram Vakil and my aunt Khorshed Vakil who introduced me to the love of nature and all things beautiful; my maternal family, the Singporewalas of Bombay, for giving me such a jewel of a mother and for standing by me. 
 "I now feel absolutely refreshed and reborn. But I am still the boy who played with blue and yellow beads, dressed dolls and ran along canals calling them rivers. Just a little different this time...I am the river.”