231/2 Ways To Make A Girl Fall For You by Cyrus Broacha. Published in 2016 by Rupa Publications India Private Limited, 7/16, Ansari Road, Daryaganj, New Delhi 110002; website: www.rupapublications.com. Pp: xiii + 185. Price: Rs 176.
The title of the book titillated me. Despite French Open tennis and Championship Trophy in cricket going on simultaneously on TV, I opened Cyrus Broacha’s (pictured) latest laughter piece and finished reading it quickly.
It is a watch book. To explain, I enjoyed reading it with one eye and imagining stand-up comedian Broacha delivering his lines with the other as the audience roars with laughter. Yes, it is a rare publication, a book to "watch.”
Cyrus Broacha is a TV anchor, theater personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist, podcaster and author. He is also a prankster, best known for his show Bakra on MTV and The Week That Wasn’t on CNN-IBN. He has hosted many cricket shows on Ten Sports and has humorously interviewed many cricketers, past and present, on CricInfo and other websites.
231/2 Ways to Make a Girl Fall for You starts with an Introduction. What’s new? Every book starts with an Introduction. But wait, there is more. There is a Re-introduction followed by an Intro, a word unique to Indians when it comes to introducing males to females. To quote Broacha, "Introduction is an English word which has gone into the Indian lexicon as Intro.”
Like in his previous book, The Average Indian Male (2011), Indian males’ fascination of holding hands in public is emphasized. In the current book, Broacha describes a typical Indian get-together as: "That party is the one where you have 125 men dancing with each other feverishly, while the 17 women at the do (party) look on, less than spellbound.” He adds that these are typical heterosexual men. He does not mention the word homosexual but refers to it euphemistically as "homeopathy.”
The highlights of the book are the letters Broacha receives from desperate males asking his advice on how to make girls fall for them. Not all the letters are from males. Girls too plead for his help in getting boyfriends to ask them out. I enjoyed the one by Selma Rashdi whose husband is short, short-tempered, self-centered and obstinate, drools a lot and is always right. I could guess his identity. Can you?
The first 169 pages of the 185-page book are numerous letters to Broacha (CyBro); funny, absurd and tongue-in-cheek. Andrew D’Souza is a Liverpool Football Club fanatic but his wife hates the Club’s photo displayed in their bedroom. Broacha’s reply is 
classic: "Women versus football is an old tussle. An epic one. Along the lines of dogs and cats, Palestine and Israel, Ram Gopal Verma and Karan Johar. Of these, only Palestine-Israel tussle may one day be resolved.”
These thought-provoking / thought- destroying letters have inspired me to write him one myself:
Dear CyBro,
I have no problems finding females as I am already married. Besides I was handsome (not now) and in India my mother-in-law compared me with Jawaharlal Nehru minus Gandhi cap. In Australia I am mistaken for former Australian Prime Minister John Howard. Both of us have huge bushy eyebrows which attract spiders. That is my question to you, Broacha dikra. I shave them (eyebrows, not spiders) but they grow to twice their size. Please help me, help me!
Also, I am horrible with numbers, just keep forgetting them. My HSC number was 7240. Although well prepared in all subjects I was terribly nervous for remembering the number. A friend put my mind at ease by saying, ‘It’s so easy. Tell me how many days are in a week. And how many hours are there in a day?’ I answered 7 and 24. ‘That’s it,’ my friend continued, ‘7 24 and add a 0. And it’s 7240. Easy, eh?’ I thanked him brokenly and wrote my number in the exam as 2470. I am still waiting for my result.
My number-phobia continues. In my statistical columns I mix up batting supremo Sachin Tendulkar’s figures with B. S. Chandrasekhar’s, the worst batsman in the game’s history. Sports editors after sports editors have reprimanded me. Help me please, CyBro! You write so eloquently on 23.5 ways to lure a girl, can’t you help out a numerically disadvantaged fella by suggesting 24.7 ways of getting the figures (and I don’t mean girls’ figures) right?
Ker Singh
Jokes aside, I enjoyed 231/2 Ways to Make a Girl Fall for You. So will Parsiana readers.
KERSI MEHER-HOMJI