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Contrary to common perception that Zoroastrians who have married out of the community are indifferent to their faith, nearly all the 22 respondents to a Parsiana questionnaire stated that the children of interfaith unions should be taught the religion of both their parents. A strong foundation would help them to decide whether to follow one or both the religions. Parsiana had reached out across three generations: to those who had married out of the community, their parents or children.

Of the 22 responses we received, 10 were from Zoroastrians who had opted for interfaith marriages, nine from the parents of such unions and one from a son of an intermarried couple. Besides Bombay, replies came from Australia, Canada, Singapore, UAE, UK, USA. We further requested Vispy Wadia, co-founder of the Association for Revival of Zoroastrianism (ARZ) as also Ervad Tehemton Mirza, president of the North American Mobeds Council (NAMC) to share their personal experience of guiding interfaith couples.

The youngest among our respondents, UK based Raina Kotwal, a strategy and transformation manager who wed last year stated, "There is a strong case for exposing the child to both religions and once they are older they might feel a stronger pull to one or even continue believing in both! This also means the child relates to both sides of the families equally. The argument against this is that they may feel confused but religion (to me) is belief in a higher power that gives you strength / faith and I don’t believe it needs to be contained to only one.”

Similar was the belief of gynecologist Dr Firuza and her husband Dr Rajesh Parikh, a neuropsychiatrist who had wed 40 years earlier in 1984. Prior to their marriage they had decided that "children should be brought up with exposure to all religions and they should decide for themselves” which faith to follow.

While advocating that children should be made to respect the religions of both the parents, a few of those who had married out of the community elaborated on their reasons for declining to perform the navjote of their offspring. "The decision was based on the abhorrent, un-Zoroastrian social stigma attached to non-Parsi mothers,” stated US based Yezdyar Kaoosji, a trainer and management consultant married to a Bene Israel Jew. He added, "The question we pondered was how would we justify our decision to perform a ceremonial induction into a faith for our children and simultaneously inform them that their loving mother is considered a juddin or outcast and would never be permitted to enter a place of worship with them?” 

Revealed US based homemaker Hilla D’Souza, "When I married in the 1980s in Bombay I did not have a choice but to have the kids baptized. Our faith did not even acknowledge the woman’s right to continue being Zoroastrian. I continue till this day to be Zoroastrian (and will hopefully till my death) and still visit the agiaries and atash behrams without being challenged by anyone.”

Yet another US based resident, retired educationist Nina Bharucha Chibber,  mentioned, "I got married in 1987 when marrying outside your faith was still questioned.” She and her Arya Samaji husband exposed their children to both religions. "Our children have felt more of an affiliation to Zoroastrianism; have understood that religion and spirituality are about love and kindness and the power of good thoughts, good words and good deeds. But they did not show a keen interest in having their navjote.”

Conveyed educationist Meher Verghese of Singapore, "Religion to us has not been rituals. It’s a way of life — being kind, considerate and thoughtful of others. We have not followed rituals. However, if my children who are now over 21 years would like to have a navjote they will find someone to teach them the prayers or I could help by requesting those I know in the community.”

The Parikhs too did not opt for the navjote of their children expecting that "they would not be wholeheartedly welcomed into Zoroastrianism.”

Bombay based educationist and translator Aban Mukherji admitted, "I now strongly feel that children should not be made to choose between the faiths of their parents. This is highly disrespectful. But when my daughter was growing up I used to feel that a child needed to be formally grounded in a particular faith. I felt the prayers taught for the navjote ceremony and the symbolism of the ceremony itself being so uplifting would act as a moral and spiritual support as in Hinduism the upanayana ceremony is only for boys. My husband readily agreed. I also strongly feel that the meaning of the prayers and the symbolism of the rituals and ceremonies should be made clear to the child. I am totally against the mindless parroting of prayers when the very basis of a religion like Zoroastrianism is to choose one’s way of life with full understanding. In our family the significance of the navjote itself was the most important aspect of the event and it was performed at home in the presence of our nearest and dearest relatives and friends followed by a party in the evening for the child and her friends.”

Four  young interfaith married Zoroastrians, three of whom have yet to become parents and one who has a toddler, stated they would like to have their child navjoted. 

Irrespective of whether they had a son or daughter with a non-Zoroastrian partner, barring one, the senior respondents were open to the idea of having their grandchildren navjoted. Journalist Bachi Karkaria whose grandsons have been initiated mentioned that the prayers were "taught by a mobed, but it was my non-Zoroastrian daughter-in-law who made the effort to take them there.” Capt Jimmy Sarbh, former chairman of the Nhava Sheva International Container Terminal, and his wife Lale, a retired physiotherapist, stated their daughter would "teach the prayers with the help of a recording.” They would like the initiation to be followed by a public celebration, in a baug, if permitted. Yoga teacher Shehnaz Pardiwala as the maternal grandmother said, "My husband and I would teach the prayers if a navjote is opted for.” Paternal grandmother Meher Dadabhoy who works with hearing impaired adults and author Meher Marfatia expected that besides a priest they would be roped in to teach the navjote prayers. Dadabhoy added that her grandson would be christened as also navjoted.

"Anyone with a basic understanding of the prayers, not just parroting it can teach the Zoroastrian prayers to the child — a grandparent, parent or a priest. They must be taught the right pronunciations and helped to understand the essence of what they are praying and the right intent to help them through any difficulty,” asserted Bowen therapist Farida Irani of Australia.

Erstwhile banker Homi Gandhi of UAE who was taught Zoroastrian prayers by scholar Piloo Jungalwala in Delhi and Christian prayers in school appreciated that "I was brought up to follow both religions and both parents were supportive of each other’s religion. I never had to choose either and still have faith in and knowledge of both.”

Celebrating initiation and union

Two of the interfaith couples would prefer a small navjote celebration with close family in attendance. As her marriage celebration was a quiet affair, another said she would opt for a bigger celebration, though not in a baug. Consultant chef Khorehomand Daruwalla too expressed reservations: "I don’t like baugs as they come with a host of restrictions and I feel the overall cost in a baug is much more compared to other venues.”

Barring one, none of those who had married out of the faith had celebrated the wedding in a baug. While three of them said it was at home with family and close friends in attendance, others had opted for an indoor or outdoor venue at a hotel, club, or a hall large enough to accommodate 2,000 guests as at the Parikhs’ wedding. Irani stated that their son’s wedding celebration was at "Taj Lands End hotel the first day, and we had booked the Jeejeebhoy Dadabhoy Agiary at Colaba for a reception the next day but due to a freak storm had to shift the venue to Mayfair Banquets where Parsi service providers like Tanaz Godiwalla arranged the lagan nu bhonu, Percy Lentin and Kamal Kerawalla the floral arrangements, Zia and Jimmy Bhesania and team, the bar.” 

⁠For her Canada based son’s wedding, "there were many celebrations: a legal marriage in the backyard of their home, a reception in Canada, a blessing by a Protestant priest, a Zoroastrian religious ceremony presided by two mobeds and a baug reception in Bombay,” stated Dadabhoy.

For Kaoosji who was married at his wife’s residence, "her uncle read a blessing from the Torah, and my father recited the Deen no Kalmo. This was followed by a mixture of garlanding and sagan by my mother, and me crushing a glass with my foot, a Jewish symbolic wedding tradition. When my children were married by a non-denominational minister in the USA, I read the passage about marriage (see ‘Marital blessing for newly weds’).” Their daughter was married in a ballroom owned by a nongovernmental organization in Los Angeles, and son in the Presidio Park under the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. 

In the case of six interfaith unions, their registered marriage was not followed by any religious ceremony. Covid was cited as the reason by two of the respondents. As mentioned by retired banker Aban Patel, while no Zoroastrian religious ceremonies were performed at the time of their daughter’s wedding in Bombay, "a church priest came to my son-in-law’s home and blessed the couple. The pre-marital madavsaro and engagement rituals were performed followed by feasting on Godiwalla’s bhonu.”

Seven respondents indicated that in addition to the Zoroastrian wedding rituals they had also performed the rituals as per the religion of the spouse. "We had the Hindu ceremony immediately followed by the Parsi ashirwad ceremony. Both were performed with equal fervor and enthusiasm and enjoyed by everyone present. Having both ceremonies on the same day completed my daughter’s wedding day and made it the perfect one,” stated science teacher Zareen Kotwal. 

At her son’s wedding, "they had basic prayer blessings from both, a Zoroastrian priest and a Bengali pundit,” mentioned Marfatia. "We had the full Zoroastrian ceremony for our son and only exchange of garlands with a blessing from the Hindu priest; no going around the fire,” mentioned Irani. The Parikhs and Verghese too had chosen to have wedding ceremonies as per the religious rites of both husband and wife. While Bharucha Chibber had only opted for a subsequent Zoroastrian ceremony, Daruwalla mentioned that only Hindu religious rites were performed. 

"A Hindu ceremony was very important to my husband’s family and though my parents wouldn’t push for a Zoroastrian one, I wanted to do it even though I’m not a deeply religious person. I associate religion with my family traditions and that’s what was important to me — celebrating my marriage the way my parents did, and their parents did,” said Raina Kotwal. 

"Marriage is a spiritual union of two individuals. While registration of a marriage fulfills a legal requirement, a Zoroastrian wedding ceremony fulfills the religious, spiritual requirement,” pointed out Wadia referring to the "guidance and support ARZ provides to the couples who prefer to continue with the Zoroastrian way of life for themselves and their children” after marriage.

Recommending the Zoroastrian marriage ceremony be performed for interfaith unions, Mirza mentioned, "some NAMC mobeds offer guidance or counseling to the couples irrespective of their faith… It would be wise to discuss the faith of the children prior to marriage. In the interest of unity within the family, both parents should be agreeable to a navjote. The Zoroastrian parent or grandparents would be best suited to teach the prayers, if capable. Alternatively the local mobed or Avesta class teacher would be a good choice.”

Who gets to pick?

If a child needs to be rooted in one faith, it should "preferably be the mother’s as mothers spend more time bringing up children,” stated D’Souza. Reiterated Karkaria, "It is still the mother who spends more time in teaching the values of faith and life which is why I have always found illogical — and backwardly patriarchal — our continued adherence to the chauvinistic Beaman-Davar judgment (which permits the Parsi father’s children to be considered Parsi). Surely, children will be doubly blessed to know about both religions, even if they follow that of one parent. They would understand the universality of religion, rather than the supposed superiority of one or the other. God knows, we need more humanism, less bigotry.”

One young mother revealed that her husband is "more concerned about cultural transmission of customs and food from his side rather than his faith while I am a practicing Zoroastrian so we have agreed that our son will be navjoted.” Even while the extended family may like to influence such decisions, as long as the couple lives independently, others’ views may be disregarded.

"Live and let live. Each one to their own views,” recommended Verghese. "If one has to pick one of the two religions, it has to be a personal choice and not anybody else’s decision,” asserted social activist Pervin Jehangir who knows "a number of kids who are comfortable stating that they are half Parsi and half…”

Daruwalla was emphatic his progeny could "choose either of the religions followed in our house but wouldn’t allow my kid to convert to something entirely different.” Pardiwala though recommended, "Children can ‘follow’ what they resonate with as they grow older. It could be a completely different one, not connected with either parent’s faith.” Raina Kotwal referred to "people who followed traditions when children (largely because they were made to), gave them up when not enforced, but later in life rediscovered them and are now regularly practicing their faith.”

"The Zoroastrian religion is all about happiness, celebration of life and joy. There is no penance, only to be aware that you have to bear the consequences of your actions,” observed Irani, adding, "A child should be taught that following the path of Asha is a common factor in all religons. Inculcating spirituality goes beyond religions.”

Marital blessing for newly weds