The Editorial Viewpoint, "In preparation for the post” (Parsiana, July 7, 2017) has to be appreciated for its oblique sarcasm, genuine humor as well as well-contrived, innocent entertainment regarding the recent controversy over the nomination of a Parsi to the National Commission for Minorities (NCM). The Editorial Viewpoint referred to Alamai Ortho’s bid for the NCM supported by Aflatoon Dheelo and Letap Khotihushyari.
May a reader, delighted by your approach, enhance the humor with respect to the same subject? The following poem is ascribed to Prof (Dr) F. Dafasmaster:
Peeved at pompous Parsiana/ One Mister Bluffmaster/ An obscure poet, and broadcaster,/ On "All India Parsi Radio”/ Protested being called "Dafasmaster.”
"I am original, also creative/ By and large, except at times/ when I concede I should agree/ To pay mandatory fines/ For plagiarization. Vendidoubt 420 when asked/"Of all the places where should a woman be? Which place is best on land or sea?” / Replied inadvertently, very poetically/ "Where they can neither be heard or seen/ As prescribed in our holy deen.”
I cannot resist hitting out,/ for on what basis you doubt/ the translation from my holy book/ on religion to your curious query:/ "Can there be an exception to Vendidoubt 420 sometimes?”
For not less than the hundredth time/ my answer which to you sounds bluff / remains full of unimpeachable stuff: "Only if the woman is traditionally sublime”/ that is from my Vendidoubt 421/ is a message obtained from the divine!
Women will have to prove, they are wise/ by choosing not to try and socialize./ For one, they should snub the Ripon Club/ where the depravity of drink, gossip, grub,/ will inevitably lead them to compromise/ on goodness, cleanliness and purity./ And then, whither body, mind and soul?/ Earlier, have I not clarified my role?
For women Vendidoubt 420 prescribed confines/ in the lines — places where women, rightly so are neither heard nor seen./ So, I insist that I see red and not green/ at an apprehension that a noble quality/ like "ideal womanhood,” could get diluted/ if women are granted equality,/ making them political and thereby unclean/ not merely in the narrow sense of personal hygiene/but a slump in morality, chastity and sublimity!
Whoever supports mistakenly the candidature/ of Alamai Ortho, must learn chemistry to know / there are "meta” and "para” positions also, to deliver Alamai an unexpected blow. So/ not only will I challenge and take on Alamai/ by crossing sudrehs with her, but also by/ doubting that she solves problems that can only be solved by one man — Donald Trump.
Has she ever solved problems of papri-malido?/ Or if eating chicken and fish is not really,/ forbidden to Zoroastrians during Bahman mahino? She stupidly wants to do kusti and jump/ into a wrestling ring wearing sudreh-kusti.
Am I Dafasmaster as you dub me? Or is she? / Her claims to fisticuffs are nothing but bluffs/Any confrontations with menstruating women who/ are caught putting chalk, is pure poppycock,/ full of bluster and flabby tall talk.
Would she go to Saharanpur as you ask?/ Or the wilds of Uttar Pradesh (UP) which is a formidable task?/ Alamai, a sudreh wearing sinner, spoilt a dinner / going too far, by flinging a ladle-full of dar/ spoiling many a Parsi lady’s precious garo.
The best thing you ever did was to infer/ that if she is with the NCM, she needs caution/ seeing that the UP is no place for clashes./ Any bet with me, they will shout "Maro! Maro!” /like the cow-vigilantes have been doing,/ and the Parsi community will be viewing/ Alamai Ortho’s remains, returning as ashes!
RASHID KHOSRAVI