I have read articles on the Federation of the Parsi Zoroastrian Anjumans of India (FPZAI) titled "A new approach,” "Be inclusive not exclusive,” "Federation in fetters” and "Ground realities” (Parsiana, March 7, March 21 and April 7, 2012).
Very interesting. Vah, Parsis, vah! The question arises: "Kom ni séva ké kom na malida méva (serving the community or taking advantage of it)? What is the agenda?”
In the last century Chicago Mafia families had divided the city into territories where they ruled the roost. Of course there were gang wars, like the ones Parsis are having now. A movie, The Scarface Mob, on the life of Al Capone (known as Scarface) came to mind. Every policeman in the force got an amount from the Scarface mob which was double the salary he received from the force and would protect trucks carting booze, and even escort them.
The similarity is glaring. Various Parsis residing in Bombay are suddenly enthused and active about capturing anjumans located miles away from their place or existence, and converting them into their own fiefdom or territory. What are their intentions? What is their agenda? Every loophole is exploited to grab an anjuman, to capture a chair of office. But what are the achievements? The answer is that it is still in the formative stage. Only after they get a grip on things will the bawas discover the true colors of these self-styled netas and their schemes.
You can’t be serious about being "inclusive not exclusive.” Or is this one more gimmick to take the palav dar Parsis for a merry ride? Forget inclusive and exclusive, these persons have been destructive. For self-aggrandizement and to massage bloated egos, they have resorted to divide and rule like the British did in India.
Crores have been spent on litigation (and election campaigns) and are still being spent; money which could have been gainfully utilized for education, housing, medical aid, looking after senior citizens. The list is endless.
Talking of ground realities, when did our worthies wake up to them? Of course no answers will be forthcoming. It is an old hat that the population is dwindling, properties and estates are being encroached upon, even usurped. What action is being taken? Only debates, discussions and mudslinging. It is a sham and a big shame.
We need to scrap the old constitution of the FPZAI and invite legal luminaries to draw up a new one so that anjumans are not hijacked by rank opportunists for their selfish ends. Only those born or residing at a place for more than 10 years should be qualified/eligible to be a member of that anjuman and to be elected to represent it. Any takers? The answer is blowing in the wind.
And as usual in the colony Aaj Ki Taja Khabar Mandli (Today’s fresh news committee) was in session.
Ground floor na Goolbai was asking: "Is it true that the Parsi Punchayet says that any Parsi whose income is less than Rs 50,000 a month is poor?” Tija maar no (third floor resident) Tehmul replies: "Of course it is true. Not only that, but I have heard that the Punchayet is in the process of formulating a scheme to ensure that there is no poor Parsi.” Bijé maar no (second floor resident) Behram butts in: "Yes I too have heard some such thing. They will compensate every Parsi the difference between his income and Rs 50,000. That means if a man’s income is Rs 30,000 the Punchayet will give him a cheque for Rs 20,000. If his wife’s income is nil, being a housewife, the Punchayet will give her Rs 50,000. If son and/or daughter’s income is say Rs 15,000 the Punchayet will make good the difference. But there is a catch; this will not apply to those poor Parsis who are on the merit list and are allotted a flat.”
Sophisticated Silla with her Oxford accent got upset: "Bévakoof (foolish) Behram don’t be silly, this is absurd.” Petit Building na Pilamai was full of glee: "Em thai to kévoo majanoo, apooné kétly rahaat malé (How nice if this will happen, we would benefit greatly if this was done).” Modi Building na Muncherjee got upset: "Sukh ma roja kholjo ké tamuné dar mainé punchayet cheque apsé. Konna baap ni Diwali ché? Bolta tau divana per soonta bhi diwana (Keep on day-dreaming that the Punchayet will give you monthly cheques. At whose cost? Those who utter such things are just as crazy as those who listen to them).
Khan Building ni Khorshed changed the subject: "Aay federsion ma badha jaich té taa soo karé (what do all these people do at Federation meets)?” Bijé maar no Behram could not hold on: "Taa éy lok gaaram gaari karé, né ék ék per tohmat jodé. Pachhi bapor nu bumper bhonu khai, né ék ék na thattha mascéry karé, pachhi sajnaa Tata ni chai kafi, saathé bhakra, popatji, kumas khai né ghéré jai (These people swear and cast aspersions on each other. Then they eat a bumper lunch and poke fun at others. In the evening they not only drink plenty of Tata tea but also partake of Parsi delicacies like bhakhras and popatji and then go home) and come again the next day. Now they find two days a very short time to discuss all the issues so henceforth it will have sessions for a week.” Adarbad Building no Adi joined in: "That’s good news. We should also join the gang and have a good time.”
Baria Building na Baimai got upset: "Moova soothar noo mun bavalia maa. Bus dabravanoo né jhobharvanoo joié beejoo kai soojéch (You have a one track mind like a carpenter concentrating on his planer while at work. All you can think of is threatening others and gorging on food).” Mody Building na Muncherji lost his cool: "Aay akkal na adhura (Hey, half-witted) Adi, don’t take this Behram at face value. He is a mischief-monger; badhaani tingle karéch (makes fun of everyone). His friends call him ghello (nutty), but gaado thai né gaam lootéch (pretends to be crazy while taking advantage of everybody). Understand? You call him bévakoof Behram but he is making you all the laughing stock. See, after playing the fool he has gone, will have a good laugh, enjoy his music, have his two pegs of Scotch and a nice dinner.
"Let us also go home and forget about all this. Don’t even think of it in your dreams.”
The meeting ended sine die.
BEHRAM AGA
behram_r_aga@yahoo.co.in