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When my wife and I left Bombay for Sydney in 1970 we missed Indian food desperately. There was only one Indian spice shop in a faraway place run by a Jew. It was a meeting place for all Indian migrants. Only spices, rice and lentils were available there but no yummy Parsi cuisine.
It has all changed dramatically now. At the Australian Zoroastrian Association functions in Sydney, there are stalls which sell delicious chevro, paneer, bhakhras, batasas, vasanoo, chutney, multi-flavored hot achaars… you name it. And they are as delicious as you get in Bombay.
What I miss now are the Bombay car horns. I hate them when I visit Bombay but miss them here. The Sydney roads are so dull without them. Hardly anyone honks. As a philosopher once said, "Life with horns is annoying, life without horns is boring.”
Here is a compromise: make car horns musical and meaningful. No, I have not lost my marbles. Communication has changed enormously over the years. It has evolved from letters, telegrams and aerograms to faxes, mobiles, i-pads, Facebook, Twitter and e-mails.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So why keep car horns unchanged for 100 years? Still the same monotonous, unmusical and often rude "pip-peep-paeennnnn” rules the Bombay streets. It is impossible to interpret the honk message because motorists honk to warn pedestrians and other drivers or out of habit or to show their angst or for the sheer joy of it.
A horn should have some meaning and often it is misunderstood. Once I honked politely to alert a motorist in Sydney that his headlights were on during a sunny day and I received a vulgar middle-finger salute and swear words.
In these days of super technology, can’t we make horns sing to convey our message? To be more specific can’t we have five-second mini tapes of famous songs at different spots on the steering wheel? For example:
Pat Boone’s Wake up little Susie, wake up or Lata Mangeshkar’s Jaago Mohan pyaaré (Wake up dear Mohan) to politely remind a motorist in front having a nap when a traffic light has turned green
Doris Day’s Que sera sera and Sentimental Journey as also the Beatles’ Let it be to appease an impatient driver
Elvis Presley’s It’s now or never when overtaking a learner driver or Pankaj Mullick’s Chalé pawan ki chaal to spur a slow motorist to go faster
Pillamai’s perennial Parsi favorite song Goola maari gol gol when taking a sudden round or U-turn. 
These are just a few suggestions.Parsiana readers may add to my list. As I enjoy only golden oldies you may suggest modern songs which convey traffic messages.
Are these ideas airy-fairy? I think not. If a robotic car navigator system (GPS) instructs you on how to reach your destination and driverless, petrol-less cars are expected by 2030, why not a robotic horn system for inter traffic communication? It should reduce road rage and pedestrians’ visits to hearing clinics. Imagine city roads full of the sound of music rather than the frustrating pip-peep-paeennnnns.
I know, I know. A musical car horn is not my original idea. I have heard of Dixieland car trumpets singing the popular number from Dukes of Hazard, five-trumpet musical horns for cars, trucks and boats, Calfex musical system which plays hit songs and Wolo programable musical car horns which play symphonies from Mozart and Beethoven. Each one is worth about USD 40 (Rs 2,518), I’m informed. Also to the best of my knowledge they were trumpets and not electronic horns.  
But mostly they caused havoc on the streets and were not popular.
Also, they did not convey a message to fellow motorists as my idea does through songs like Wake up little Susie, It’s now or never, Que Sera Sera, Let it be, Sentimental Journey… to arouse a sleepy driver ahead of you or appease a violent chauffeur. 
 Go for it, manufacturers — Tata, Hindustan Motors, Mahindra and Mahindra and Maruti — and install multi five-second tapes on the steering wheel which musically convey a driver’s message to other motorists on the road. You may work out finer details yourselves. And don’t forget to pay me and Parsiana for the patent!
Sorry dear readers, for blowing my own trumpet.