As most Parsis marry late, there is a considerable age gap between parents and children. Having a child in mid-life makes parents overly protective, so they provide excessive care, attention, concern and love which make the child grow up with reciprocal feelings. Sometimes such spoon-fed children grow up to be sissies. When parents become older and the children are in their mid-20s or 30s, the rigmarole of parental care begins — monitoring medication, trips to doctors, physical assistance or service.
Parsi parents often think nothing of the fact that their child, who is now in his 40s, is still single. They feel he is safe and secure only under their wings. They fail to realize that dependency is a two-way affair and it is nature’s sad rule that they will depart, leaving the unmarried child in the lurch. When there is more than one child the one who is single is saddled with the responsibility of caring for the parents and often acts the martyr. Married siblings may be living far away and attending to their own families. After the demise of both parents, what is left is a bewildered single man or woman aged 45 to 55 living alone, too old to marry, yet not old enough to lead a retired life.
Many are not aware that our religion mandates that all should marry. Modern Parsi parents do not guide their progeny about why it is important to marry only a Parsi. Some women marry outside the community and then want to perform the navjote of their children. Did they not know about this tradition? Did they not have the option to marry a Parsi? If they are so passionate about the religion, why did they stray away from it? Why did they agree to a non-Parsi surname, thereby diluting their identity, displeasing and embarrassing parents and family? Even Parsi men, who marry out and are permitted to navjote their children, do not succeed in making the latter Zoroastrians. Show me one child of mixed marriages who can speak Gujarati fluently or has knowledge about our religion, rituals and history. All that has been achieved is entry into the fire temple.
In an earlier age, people had around a dozen children with just the head of the family to provide for all. Yet, that did not deter anyone from marrying. Today there are organizations to encourage Parsis to reproduce. What we need is an institution to encourage youngsters (and the not so young) to get married. It must conduct classes on the importance of marriage, how to protect and respect one’s partner, how to be prepared for commitment, sacrifice, adjustment and tolerance, and finally, why one must marry within the Parsi fold.
Somebody responsible can collate data on all unmarried youngsters even from the far off suburbs and make it mandatory for them to attend classes where they can come together without feeling embarrassed or desperate for marriage, mingle and finally marry. Allocation of trust owned homes can be linked to this institution. Parents may also be invited to interact with other parents.
Jokes may warn against marriage, but a newborn human being has always been and will always be the greatest marvel on earth. If something as pleasant and simple as marriage offers such marvels, why forego it and lament the lost opportunity?
KAARL ADI GANDHI
kag7786@gmail.com
The editors reply:
There are numerous organizations working to promote Parsi-to-Parsi marriages and a larger number of people advocating the proposal. But the available pool of would-be mates is small and diminishing by the day. If people cannot find a suitable spouse within the community, they look outside.