While the debate over interfaith marriages has lessened in intensity, with 52% of community marriages in Bombay being to non Parsis in 2024, the issue of which faith, if any, the child/children of such unions will follow remains a sensitive subject. In this issue Parsiana raised the question with some interfaith couples, their parents and one offspring (see "Divine dilemma,” pg 46). The answers provided were well thought out and reflective of the conundrum that families, especially the parents, confront.
In 1987 when we first started to list the number of marriages to non Parsis along with their names, there was an uproar. People alleged we were condoning, if not encouraging, such unions. Some cancelled their subscriptions, at least one party said he would no longer advertise in Parsiana and some people even refused to sit next to us. We had broken a taboo.
As the years went by and the percentage of marriages outside the faith increased, people accepted such marriages but questioned the numbers cited by us, claiming they were inflated to suit our supposed agenda to destroy Parsipanu and foster a liberal outlook, thus opening the floodgates to those imaginary throngs who wish to convert. (We had collated our information from the Bombay High Court and the Registrar of Marriages.)
We often come across readers who inquire if we know of any woman or man (they use the terms "girl” or "boy”) suitable for matrimony with their or their relative’s/friend’s son or daughter.
One father lamented in a popular WhatsApp chat group that he had "approached three matrimony groups and four private individuals too,” in his quest to find a match for his 30-year-old (attractive — photos attached) daughter, seemingly without luck. She dutifully stated she was willing to forgo a career as she "preferred to be a housewife and take care of my husband, my children and my in-laws.”
If she is unable to find a suitable spouse she may end up joining the ranks of the never-married Parsis rather than considering a union with someone from without the community. Some beliefs are so deeply embedded in the psyche that disregarding them is sacrilegious. And if a person does look elsewhere, what is the surety she/he will find someone? In the USA, the percentage of 40-year-old never married women and men, as of 2021, was 25%. This was a significant increase from 20% in 2010, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data. Some people were cohabiting without getting married.
According to an Artificial Intelligence generated comment from Google, "The percentage of never married adults is a global trend with significant regional variations, though the United States saw a record 38% of adults un-partnered in 2021, driven by declining marriage rates. However, a higher percentage of young adults are projected to never marry, with one-third of US young adults and a quarter of 40-year-olds never having been married. In India, the tradition of marriage is changing, with a rising number of men not getting married and about three to four percent of the total population remaining unmarried.” The percentage for Parsis is approximated to be around 30.
As populations abroad dwindle, this problem will aggravate. But like the Parsis in India, the white supremacists don’t want anyone outside the country, caste, race or religion to enter their society; even if it means hospitals without nurses, shops without counter staff, fruit rotting in orchards, computer firms without programers or chip manufacturers without engineers.
Today, from America to Australia, we see the anti-immigration sentiment grow. Even skilled people are not welcome. The US has put a price of $ 100,000 (Rs 88 lakhs) for a new H-1B work visa. Even lesser qualified individuals from caregivers to agricultural workers are unwelcome though they do the work the local people shun. Companies and institutions hire people from abroad because they are not available locally.
Parsis are immigrants. We came to India from Iran to seek refuge, practice our religion, trade and aspire to a better life.
When traditionalist Parsis in Bombay are confronted with dwindling numbers, empty fire temples and people marrying outside the faith, their cliched advice is that Parsis should marry within the fold and profusely procreate. In Delhi, when a survey conducted 47 years ago at the behest of the Delhi Parsi Anjuman showed 33% of interfaith marriages, the Anjuman’s enlightened leadership decided to accept as "cultural members” of the Anjuman non-Parsi spouses as well as the children of Parsi women married to non-Parsis, giving them the right to vote. The children, if navjoted, could enter the local fire temple. In Bombay even social clubs with underutilized facilities and dwindling membership will not accord Parsi women, even if single or married to Parsis, equal rights.
Will the local Parsis change? Probably not. Unlike in Delhi, North America and even the UK where enlightened leadership initiated changes which were accepted by their communities, in most parts of India we continue to live in denial.
No people are perfect. Even the USA, which was once viewed as a bastion of democracy, now supports tyrants and genocide abroad while stifling dissent at home. We have witnessed how one man and his coterie of minions have made time-honored democratic institutions pliable, undermining the checks and balances that safeguard people’s freedom. And in India, where the Constitution includes the word "secular,” we are fast becoming a hotbed of Hindutva and fascism.
Fortunately there are people who still fight for liberalism, free speech, civil liberties, equality. But they face growing and daunting threats. Will they survive the onslaught? Will the forces of good triumph over the barbarity of wickedness? That will depend on which side we choose.