Timely intervention and prevention by parents
can preserve the mental health of their children
Dr Zirak Marker
This extract from Conversations That Matter by Dr Zirak Marker has been reprinted with permission from the author and publisher, notionpress.com.
Imagine your child returning home from school and sobbing uncontrollably because the kids in their class have repeatedly called them fat, ugly or weird. Imagine feeling gutted and confused from within when you have to sit and explain to a child why they lost a parent to cancer. Imagine the apprehension and anxiety that grips us as parents when we need to break the news to a child that he/she has been adopted. Imagine feeling lost for words when we need to help children make sense of why the neighbor’s son jumped from his 14th floor balcony. Imagine the angst while making sense of why your child was abused by her boyfriend. Just imagine…
As parents, we play a key role in enabling overall wellness of how our children think, regulate their feelings and behavior. A child’s struggles to do so lead to mental health issues later on. Mental health disorders are defined as patterns or changes in thinking, feeling or behaving that cause distress or disrupt a person’s ability to function.
Mental health does not only encompass clinical depression, anxiety, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. I consider it to be a spectrum, with wellness at one end and an illness at the other. It has to be sensitively yet firmly addressed, acknowledged and accepted, devoid of stigma and shame. We need to create a stress free environment for our children, both at home and in schools or educational institutes.
Doing this would essentially include working on their self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth; teaching them ways to be more tolerant, accepting and empathic to situations or people; being more introspective with the ability to identify their own strengths and weaknesses; instilling gratitude and being content with what they have; teaching them faith and belief and giving them hope so that they may use healthy coping mechanisms during life’s trying, stressful or most turbulent times; and helping and supporting them in finding inner happiness and peace of mind — the ultimate gift that we bestow our children and the next generation with.
All this is in the hope that they find that inner voice and strength to guide them to make the right choices and decisions in their lives.
Illustration by Farzana Cooper
Knowledge, awareness, preparedness and acceptance always lead to timely intervention and prevention. It could save a life or prevent one from ending it.
Knowledge: Go beyond the facts. Read up and discuss your views openly; invite theirs as well.
Awareness: Look for teachable moments in everyday life rather than saving it all up for one big talk.
Preparedness: Decide in your mind what attitudes, values and beliefs you want to address in your communication and look up resources on how best to do this; seek professional help (counselors, mental health professionals or psychologists) wherever and whenever needed.
Acceptance: Be an approachable parent. Listen to what your child is saying or trying to say in a conversation rather than jump in with judgment, give too much advice or ask too many questions. Be an "ask-able” parent and welcome your child’s curiosity; answer promptly, honestly and age-appropriately.
It is all right to let our children know that we may not always have all the answers to questions asked and that we shall get back to them.
Start early and keep it simple.